How to Avoid Making the Same Mistakes as Your Mother
If you’re like most people, you love your mom and you’d do anything for her. Moms make a lot of sacrifices over the years in order that their children can have a nice childhood. But moms aren’t perfect, either. Sometimes moms are just trying to figure things out along the way, like the rest of us. And moms make mistakes just like the rest of us, too. But that doesn’t mean you need to make the same mistakes. Here are some tips to avoid making the same mistakes as your mother.
Don’t Give up Control in the Delivery Room
So many moms report regret because they let doctors or nurses talk them into stuff they didn’t want during delivery. Delivery time is a very vulnerable time. You’re in pain and you just want to skip to that happy moment when you can hold your baby in your arms.
One great tips to keep in control in the delivery room is to insist that your husband or friend stays with you at all times. Make your wishes known to them and they can advocate for you when you are in a weakened position.
Don’t Try To Do Too Many Things At Once
Moms have a lot of stuff to do, and we mean a lot! But when you try to do everything all at once, the ball usually gets dropped. It’s literally and physically impossible to do your best at two things at once, let alone 12 things at once! And when you try to do so, accidents can happen.
Instead of trying to multitask, just take on one task at a time. If you have the energy for something else after that, then so be it. Otherwise, just get comfortable letting some things fall by the wayside.
Be Silly With Your Kids
Yes, you’re the mom, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be silly with your kids sometimes. Silly moments offer some of the best memories that you and your child can cherish forever.
Just remember those times when you wanted your mom to get on the floor and play with you and she said playing was for children. Don’t make that mistake with your own kids. Let loose, have a little fun and make some memories.
Let Yourself be Pampered
As a mom, you’ll spend countless hours taking care of others. But it’s important to take care of yourself, too. Steal some time away and go get pampered at least once a week.
Maybe for you it will be a massage or a facial or a manicure or pedicure. Whatever pampering means to you, go and enjoy it. You’ll probably discover that you feel so rejuvenated and refreshed that you can be a better mom after being pampered yourself.
Make Time For Hubby
The key to a happy home is two loving parents. If you ignore your hubby, he may go looking for attention elsewhere. It’s sad but true. Always make time for hubby in ways that you can both enjoy.
Maybe it’s date night at a fancy restaurant, or maybe you just hole up in the bedroom with the door locked and watch an adult movie. Whatever floats your boat. Just make sure you do attend to those wifely duties so that you can maintain that happy home.
Don’t Lose Your Cool With Your Child
Kids can’t handle your temper. You’re the adult; act like one. You can do irreparable damage if you yell at your child frequently. If you really feel like you’re losing it, just go in the bedroom and scream into a pillow.
Studies show that kids remember the mean things you say easier than they remember the nice things you say. If you don’t believe it just think back to your own mother. We bet you can remember every snarky thing she ever said to you.
Don’t Shield Kids From Real Life
Too many moms go about their daily household chores and kids have no idea how their dirty laundry got cleaned and put back in their drawers. Involve kids in the daily chores once they’re old enough.
You don’t want to spring real life on them too late, when they’re apt to be shocked at how much work is involved. Besides, doing household chores together can be a real bonding experience between you and your kids. Who would want to miss that?
Don’t Leave Your Kids Unattended
These days, it easy to get distracted with your cell phone or other devices. Yes, we know you’re busy, but that’s no reason not to keep a watchful eye on the most vulnerable member of your family. Never, ever leave your kids unattended, especially in public places like parks.
There are just too many weirdos around looking for an opportunity. Remember, once you become a mom, your first obligation is to your kids. Your social media “friends” can wait.
Don’t Isolate Your Kids
Did your mom tend to keep to herself? Did she have any actual friends that you can recall? Kids thrive in the company of nice children. If you have social anxiety, there’s a real danger that you will pass on your fears to your kids. Don’t let that happen. Make sure your kids have ample opportunity to interact with other children of their own age.
This is how they will make friends and become more confident adults. Find ways to get your kids to spend time with other kids. Maybe it’s a a community playground or park or a play date. Whatever works best for you and your kids will be fine, as long as you don’t isolate your child from others.
Don’t be Clingy
You know how your mom used to ask for a hug right in front of your friends? It’s awesome to hug your child and be hugged, but as children grow, there’s a natural tendency to want to separate from mom at little. Don’t be like your mom. Don’t cling to your child to the point where they want to run away from you as fast as they can. Trust us.
If you let your child gently move away from you, they’ll come back. It’s just a stage where they are trying to establish their own independence and figure out who they are away from mom. Don’t sweat it.
Don’t Miss Out Because of the Way You Look
Remember when mom wouldn’t take you to the park because she had her hair in curlers? How did that make you feel? There are those in society who try to make you feel less if you don’t look perfect. Who cares about them? You shouldn’t!
Don’t miss out on the magical moments with your child just because you feel like you don’t look your best. Get out there and run and jump and play with your child. And if anyone looks at you askance, then you just send them to us and we’ll tell them what’s what.
Don’t Feel Like Every Meal Has to Be Homemade
Look, your mom had a lot less to do. She may not even have had a job outside the home. You, on the other hand, have a full-time job, plus you have to be a wife and mother. Not every meal has to be a homemade feast. Give yourself a break.
Every now and then, it’s definitely okay to heat up some fish sticks or hit the fast food drive through on the way home. After all, your kids will love it, and your husband will appreciate having more time with you. And, there will be no dishes to clean up afterward. Score!
Don’t Forget to be a Good Example
Kids learn by watching their parents. You don’t want to be the kind of mother who taught her children how to smoke or drink to excess, right? While it’s fine to relax in your own home, obviously, you might want to be discretionary about any smoking and drinking you might engage in.
Also, at least when your kids are watching, keep things civil between you and your husband. Kids also learn how to be good spouses by seeing how their parents interact with one another.
Let Your Kids Make Mistakes
Kids learn by making their own mistakes; in fact, that’s how many adults learn, too. Try to avoid doing what your mother did when she was overprotective of you. You want to raise a child who knows how to solve problems, right? That means allowing them to encounter problems to begin with.
If your child never makes a mistake, they’ll never learn how to get themselves out of a jam and that can leave them vulnerable when you’re no longer around to protect them.
For generations, women have been oppressed and put upon by the opposite sex and by society in general. Women have learned how to hold their tongue and keep their thoughts to themselves and to go with the flow. But with each passing year, these norms have begun to fall by the wayside.
Don’t make your female children adhere to old-fashioned norms that oppress women’s rights. If your daughter wants to express herself in ways that you don’t understand, try not to stifle her self-expression. Trust that with you as a good example, she’ll figure it all out.
Don’t Mock Your Child
Every day, thousands of mothers unwittingly make their children feel terrible about themselves by mocking them. This consists of making fun of their kids in public, taking underhanded jabs at them or making jokes at their child’s expense. Don’t be like that.
Mocking your child or their choices in life only makes you a bad mother and it breaks down your child’s self-esteem. Instead, find ways to verbally encourage your child, so that when they are older and they hear your voice in their head, they hear positive words and not negative insults.
Don’t Stay in an Abusive Relationship
In the olden days, women were expected to stay with their husbands no matter what. Even when the relationship turned abusive, women stayed “for the sake of the children.” Now we know if a wife wants to do something for the sake of the children, she’ll leave an abusive relationship so her kids stay safe.
Even so, you may feel like you need to stay for reasons of money or stability. If your husband is abusive, there are resources available to get you and your children out of the situation. Find the help you need and take action.
Don’t be Paralyzed With Fear
So often, women tend to avoid doing things about of fear or mistrust. If you had a mother who lived a fearful life, that doesn’t mean you have to, as well. The world is full of threats, both home and abroad.
But if you allow those things to stop you from doing things like making new friends or traveling, you are doing a disserve to your children, because you are instilling the same fears into them.
Don’t Stop Learning
Too many women left college and became career wives and mothers and that was the end of their education. Life is too exciting and interesting to give up on furthering your education after marriage and children.
Teach a good example to your children by trying to learn new things every now and again. Don’t shy away from learning a new language or sport. Embrace the unknown and figure out new ways to become a lifelong learner.
Don’t Get Violent
Surprisingly, women can be as violent with their temper as men. Avoid the urge to pick up the frying pan so to speak, and threaten members of your family. Just as you wouldn’t want your husband to threaten you, you shouldn’t even think of lashing out in this way, even when you are at your most frustrated.
Instead, isolate yourself somewhere until you can cool down and have a civilized discussion about what’s troubling you.